Overjoyed

I went for the most fabulous walk/run yesterday. The sun was shining through cotton candy clouds and the sky was the most amazing shade of blue. It was another true "pinch me" moment where I felt extremely grateful. Grateful to be here in New Zealand. Grateful to experience the people, the culture and the incredible beauty that is in every direction. Like one of my favorite songs, I was struck how,

“All of the world is designed to remind you
All of the light you could find is inside, under
All of the noise, and here’s your chance to be overjoyed?”
-Christine Kane, Overjoyed

And with the noise gone, surrounded by a world designed to remind me, for those 45 minutes I truly felt OVERJOYED!

Show of Nature

Living in New Zealand has taught me many things. Some simple like, don't waste the sunshine and that Boy Scouts have the right idea: Always be prepared! In my case it's prepared with a full tank of gas because you never know where the next petrol station will be and with a gold coin for parking and always have toilet paper for your seven year old who still has to see every public restroom, even the outhouses. Another lesson New Zealand has taught me is that just because it is raining right here, does not mean it is raining everywhere. And sometimes the bad weather brings the spectacular.

On Saturday we took off to see more of the coastline we still have not seen. We came across a little place called Cosy Nook and followed a dirt road for some time and arrived at the nook. It was a little bay with rocks jutting out of the iridescent blue water like clothes thrown haphazardly on the floor of my daughters' room. It was lightly sprinkling and the wind was blowing as it always does along the coast here, showing it's mighty power and reminding me how small I truly am.

We ate our picnic lunch and enjoyed nature's spectacular "show". Out of the cloud, a rainbow fell into the water. The wind slammed the water into the scattered rocks and magnificent sprays of water hit the air. Micaela wanted to venture out on some of the boulders and she and Brandon took off. Common sense won out over adventure in the end for her but I watched Brandon scramble over rocks and jump over incoming waves to reach a little island. He stood for a long time watching the waves hit and feeling the power of nature and when I reminded him the tide was coming in and if he didn't head back the only alternative would be to swim, he scrambled back to safety.

A couple of weeks ago, I called a tramping company to talk about reservations for Micaela and I to tramp the Milford Sound Track. The lady helping me told me that the best times to go are in the early season in Nov and late season in March because they have wetter weather then. She said the worse the weather the more spectacular the trail.

We drove home along the coast Saturday and I thought how my life feels like a spectacular "show" of nature right now, waves crashing, wind blowing and gray clouds dumping rain on a regular basis. Every once in a while I get the rainbow dropping out of the cloud and the sun shines through absolutely brilliantly on occasion. Sometimes I am lucky enough that the brilliant sunshine coincides with a high point to look out, and I get a glimpse of the bigger picture. And other times, I give in and trust the power that is greater than myself and hope for the magnificent and spectacular outcomes that often come on the other side of the bad weather.

To All the Well Meaning People

To the well meaning lady in the grocery store who asked me if I couldn't just give sulking, whining Little D something because he looked so sad and he is such a good wee man,
Seriously???

To the well meaning grocery store clerk who wanted to know if he couldn't just have one little lolli so he might stop crying,
I can't quite hear you because of all the noise he's making.

To the well meaning Nursery Leader who in the midst of a Little D's tantrum in the foyer keeps telling him what a good little boy he is and wants me to tell him what a nice little boy he is as well,
We're not establishing eternal worth here, just taking care of current unacceptable behavior. I get it, if you don't maybe you could just step aside and leave me to it.

To my well meaning friend who brings books and puzzles and snacks for Little D to get us through church,
This is my first time with a two year old in church, why didn't I think of that? (I say with the greatest of sarcasm while I hand them back)

To the well meaning driver who honked his horn as I was driving the speed limit yesterday,
Thanks for reminding me I am a law abiding citizen on occasion.

To my well meaning teenager who stayed after school practicing basketball without my knowledge while I drove frantically up and down every street in Invercargill looking for you,
Sincere thanks for trying to text me, your phone will be delivered shortly and I will program the correct number in for you. (I say as I'm on my way to the mobile phone store, and she genuinely did try to text, just got the number wrong!)

To the well meaning birth mom who keeps emailing and asking when she will be able to skype with Little D,
You've had your opportunity and screwed up everything possible. DELETE, DELETE, DELETE

To my well meaning husband who takes the dirty dishes out of my hands and leads me to the bathroom where he has drawn a bath complete with bubbles, candles, and the book I am reading,
Thank you- I love you!

Aliens on my Wall

As the afternoon sun hit my family room windows today, I was sitting and holding and rocking Little D and the coolest shadows of tree limbs surrounded me. For fifteen minutes, I watched the branches dance and sway across my walls. And I spent those fifteen minutes convincing myself that there were aliens outside in the trees. I swear I could see an alien riding a bike and then stopping to catch her breath and then pedaling with all her might again. I don't know how I know it was an alien woman, but I just do. I was convinced to the point I went and got my camera and headed outside to take a picture for my daily photo blog with my sister, Mel DropZoneS2.blogspot.com. I got outside and there was no alien to take a picture of. I went back inside and the alien was still on my wall riding her bike. Once again, don't ask how I know it was a her, I just do.

Little D started chatting incessantly about pirate ships and snacks and how he loves to read books and how his mommy makes him happy and how the black on the socks is on the bottom of his foot and whatever else came to his little mind.

Minutes earlier he was in an all out screaming rage, staring me down with dark, intense eyes that could give a terrorist a run for his money. The rage started because I reminded him if he was asking me a question, he needed to look in my eyes. I know it is a scary prospect but those are the rules in our family. I can see the talk bubble above his head now, "You want me to look you in the eyes, then I'll give you something to look at!"

I looked at Mr Chatterbox and thought how much he has seen and experienced in his short life, how he knows pain and has given up things I can't even begin to imagine the loss of, how he showed up in the Atlanta airport with a small suitcase full of belongings and that was all he could claim as his own. If I, who am the proud recipient of a college degree and a can say I have a relatively sane brain and am full adult (notice I did not use the Grown-up word), am able to convince myself that there is an alien riding her bike behind my house, it's not a far stretch that this little guy is able to convince himself the world is out to get him and that he cannot trust anyone farther than he can throw them.

My job is to convince him he's wrong. Unfortunately, I'm sure it will take more than a look-see at the trees in the backyard.

Things I Believe In

I believe in loving and being loved, in afternoons with a

good book, and in embracing sunshine.

I believe in playing four square, tag, and hopscotch, that chinese jump rope should be an Olympic Sport, and in grade school recess weddings.


I believe in cloud gazing and stargazing, in power naps, and in Sonic Happy Hour.

I believe in the therapeutic power of a big bowl of popcorn and a chick flick, in extra butter, and in chocolate as an essential food group.


I believe in laughter-gut busting, pee your pants, stomach muscles sore in the morning kind of laughter, in the power of girlfriends, and in sisters who always make the best girlfriends (after the age of 20, when you're old enough to get over yourself).

I believe in Mom and Dad, in clean sheets(and underwear!), and that clean and dry kitchen tables and pencils are essential elements of math homework.

I believe in water fights and food fights, snowball fights and light saber fights, and in fights where you find yourself throwing plates when you've had all you can take.

I believe in asking questions, in going against the grain, in rocking the boat and in painting on smiles.

I believe that there is power in family and in sharing and in believing.

Lost

The day before the big move to New Zealand while trying to tie up last loose ends and making everything just perfect for the girls to move across the world, while trying to locate an old favorite picture for Micaela to put in a book to take to with her, the unthinkable and unexplainable happened, my iPhoto library was completely wiped out with the stroke of a key. I'm still not sure exactly what button I pushed or didn't push or how exactly it came about, but as the realization sank in, I was rendered speechless, a rare event indeed. I felt like I would certainly throw up, and then came the tears. I took some deep breaths and remembered I had been backing up my computer only for the last several months but surely that would take of things.

A search of my backup files revealed one of my more glaring faults, rarely taking advantage of the safety nets readily available at my fingertips. The last backup I had done was dated November 1, 2009. I could restore my photo library that was in place that date. That meant that the last 3 months of pictures were gone. Disappeared into thin air.

Pictures of birthday parties x 3. Pictures of Thanksgiving and visits from family and friends. Pictures of Christmas: hanging the stockings, the wrapping paper war, Auntie Mel's fabulous festive red dress, surprises from Santa, and many other memories. Pictures of Micaela's final basketball season defending the Lady Indians of Lumpkin County. Pictures of recent travels to New York. Pictures of long time friends as we said goodbye.

An emergency trip to the genius bar left me seriously in doubt of the qualifications for an Apple genius and with $100.o0 of data rescue software for no charge after the "genius" had erased any chance that the pictures would be easily recovered if recovered at all. Thank you to level headed parents that continue to watch out for me and speak up when I am unable to do so.

It's hard to describe the feeling of loss. How much I had relied on those digital images as a gatekeeper for the memories. How simple the day would have gone if I had only used what was readily available for preserving something so precious. Over the next weeks I spent countless hours with my laptop and the rescue program. I was amazed that I could find images from years back completely intact, and completely free from damage, but images taken of Big Much and her fabulous teacher we left behind in Georgia, taken only one week before was not recoverable. In the end, only a small percentage of the images were recovered. Everyone offered their advice about all the things I should have done. Add it to the reel already playing in my head.

Flash forward three weeks and while on a walk with the girls after school, Middle Miss dropped her brand new bright pink iPod Nano somewhere along the trail. We doubled back several times but could not find it anywhere. Amid sobs from a heartbroken girl, her sisters all offered great words of advice about how she should have left it in the car (translation: You're an idiot). There was nothing we could say that could compare with the voices already confirming that fact playing loudly in her head already. Quite miraculously, Middle Miss who is the shyest girl on the planet, on her own approached an older couple who was walking the same trail. They had found the iPod and she recovered what she had lost. I'm sure it will take much more than that to quiet the voices in her head.

For me, the lessons of the experiences were not about images or iPods. Those can be recovered or replaced or are soon forgotton, but the trust I lost in myself is not so easy to recover. Long after the items are a thing of the past, the proof remians that I am disorganized and just that stupid. And now, each night as I sleep, my computer is backing up. And with each backup the volume on the reel of voices is turned down just a decibel or two. But that is enough for now.

This week Iz celebrated her 11th birthday as week booked our first week here in New Zealand. She had partied it up at home with a slumber party with her friends and she had received all her presents because she would need them for the long day of travel (ipod Nano and North Face jacket). I still wanted to the day to be special, to stand out for her and to set the tone for our birthday celebrations while here. Her dinner request was pork tacos and she wanted to go to the Splash Palace after school. I spent the day driving among the three markets(grocery stores) in search of ingredients that would make the dinner and cake taste just like home. I came home missing key ingredients for the meal and couldn't find birthday candles anywhere. The chocolate cake recipe was in metric and the oven burned half the cake.

I felt like the mom in "The Poisonwood Bible" who takes her daughters to the African bush with her minister husband and insists she take Betty Crocker cake mixes with her so the girls birthdays would be "just right". What she discovers in the kitchen hut is that she has the cake mixes but is completely without the things that make them "just right". No eggs or oil to be found.

Frustrated, I walked outside to let all know dinner was ready and heard giggles and squeals of delight as they played in the huge yard. And I realized, we're not in the land of Target and Wal Mart anymore and that's a good thing. The birthday celebrations won't be the same. Instead of spending time and energy making everything feel like home, I need to spend that time and energy making this home. Not a hard thing when you look around and meet the people and feel the breeze and the sunshine.

We sat down to a dinner of pork tacos missing the black beans and jalopeno peppers and real limes or cilantro. All three girls excitedly talked about school and new friends and things they can't wait to see and do. The chocolate birthday cake did not have glowing candles. And as we made birthday wishes for Iz, they were not wishes for things, but for experiences here.

It turns out you don't need Betty Crocker after all.