You’re going to write a book????????

If you really want to freak someone out,  and by someone I mean my mom, I mean really want to get her going, look her in the eye and deliver the following line with complete sincerity, “I’m going to write a book!”

After you deliver this line, one of the following things will happen.  She will start laughing hysterically or you’ll get the concerned look, the one where they look at you as if you just announced your plans to move to the moon.  After all, in her eyes, that’s probably as good an idea as writing a book.  The look will be followed by the emphatically spoken question, “why would you want to do that?”  That’s when you throw in the kicker, “I’m going to write a 50,000 word novel by the end of November.” 

November is National Novel Writing Month and several hundred thousand other writers will write frantically through the month along with me in a frenzy to get to the 50,000 word mark by 11:59:59 on November 30.

It’s not as if my mom is thinking anything I haven’t thought about or told myself.  To borrow a line from my favorite brothers(The Avett Brothers), I haven’t finished a thing since I started my life and I don’t feel much like starting now.  Who am I to think I am going to start and finish a novel in thirty days?  Crazy and impossible are just two of the words that come to my mind.  Maybe that is exactly why I am setting out on this journey, because I have something to prove to myself.  I’m not saying I’m going to produce a novel worthy of publication in November, just that I am going to complete it, because that is what it is about for me, completion.  It will be a month of crank it out, don’t look back, bury your self -editor writing.  The kind of writing I don’t allow myself to do normally because it’s not perfect.  A month long exercise in doing it imperfectly, if you will.

At the end of it all, I will have rights to a lifetime of bragging, and will have enjoyed a month of tasty writing snacks, a month of saying no to the things I want to say no to, and a month to hang out in my pajamas and slippers. It works out to 1700 words per day, about 6 pages double spaced manuscript’s worth.  Seventeen hundred words each day that will add up to 50,000 words of cheeky dialogue, overused plot twists, one dimensional characters and heaps of other rookie writing mistakes to be sure, but, it will be complete.  Take that, self!

Perhaps you’d like to join me, if not writing a novel, what do you have to prove to your self in November?

For more information on National Novel writing month go to www.nonowrimo.org

Redefining Happy Endings

I just don't think I am cut out for this "mom of a high school daughter" thing.  It's more emotion and drama than I am prepared for.  Scary thing is I get to do it three times.  None of my girls will be in high school together and lucky me I will get to ride The Angst Machine three separate times.  Have you ever noticed how in the teen coming of age movies there is a predictable pattern.  Girl or boy feels like a complete and utter loser, always a well dressed and perfectly styled loser, but a loser none the less.  An hour or so of angst centered around perfectly styled teen and then teen decides to put him or herself out there, take a leap of faith, take the plunge, etc.  Cue the music, something happy and inspiring, and the forever fabulous girl or boy gets their happy ending.  The happy endings usually come in the form of getting the part, winning the game/tournament, getting the boy or girl of their dreams, making the team, etc.  Celebration ensues and credits roll.
This morning I found myself wishing I could create the happy ending for my daughter, but despite her putting herself out there and taking the leap of faith, she did not make the team.  And so instead I find myself redefining happy endings.  The happy ending becomes more about the discipline she developed training and getting in shape for tryouts, and the hours of determination in the backyard juggling a soccer ball, but most importantly, the pure guts it takes to put on the cleats and step onto a field full of strangers at a brand new school.   As it turns out, discipline, determination and raw guts are the what she'll need no matter which team she plays on.  And so this afternoon we will raise our glass to determination and guts over Five Guys fries, celebrating the real happy ending.  Cue the music. . .

Oblivion

It's official. I'm taking the plunge. In her book "Breaking Free From Emotional Eating", Geneen Roth speaks to my soul as she talks about the concept of binge eating. She writes, "Binges are purposeful acts, not demented feelings. . . a binge can. . . be an urgent attempt to care for yourself. . . Binges speak the voice of survival. . . A binge is a plunge into oblivion. We all need plunges into oblivion. Sometimes living is too much to handle." And so if you need to reach me today you can find me in oblivion. My oblivion usually involves home made chocolate chip cookie dough, a spoon and some serious time with the the Real Housewives of New York.

Moving across the world and then across the country has proved much harder than I expected. Especially for those of us who are 15 or still feel that age. Connecting with friends via facebook and skype makes you grateful for technology, but sometimes nothing short of human connection will do. The word from Georgia lately has been tragic. A young student killed in a car accident a few nights ago. An acquaintance of Micaela's. A hug and a few words were all I could offer. Before that I night I had never heard the boy's name but I know Micaela knew him and it would be a hard thing. This morning we woke to a call from one of her good friends letting us know that their good friend's Mom was killed in a car accident last night. This girl I know and adore. It's hard to watch your fifteen year old have to learn how fragile life is. Hard to watch her grasp at the reality of a friend across the country needing her, and her not being able to be there. Hard to watch her try to make sense of something that clearly doesn't. Hard not to have the answers she needs. Hard to think of a family coping with the loss of a wife and mom. With this news a hug and few words will not be enough, but it is a place to start. So bring on the cookie dough, and perhaps we'll need two spoons today. Housewives, here we come!
Dedicated to sweet Ada. We love you.

To My Love

I know you say that I do not appreciate you and all you do. I must not be good at showing you. Thank you doesn't seem like enough to say right now. But they seem to be the only words I can find so they will have to do. Thank you for the year in paradise.

Thank you for working hard to get us here and putting up with a completely foreign medical system day in and day out.

Thank you for forging the path and supplying all the comforts of home ready when we arrived, popcorn popper, basketball hoop, diet coke and all.

Thank you for making it possible for me to tramp up and down mountains and stand at the foot of waterfalls in some of the most remote, most beautiful and most stunning places in the world.

Thank you for understanding when I'd had enough and being strong enough for both of us when I had nothing left.

Thank you for standing up for me, even when it made you look as crazy as everyone thinks I am.

Thank you for backing up my crazy ideas and making it possible for us to get to do everything I had dreamed while we are here.

Thank you for driving us the entire length of the North and South Island more than once, despite my complaints of your driving too fast. For always getting us where we needed to be safely and on time.

Thank you for not getting mad and making a big deal when I screwed up big time and cost us too much money that is especially dear right now.

Thank you for putting up with foreign foods you didn't necessarily like and cups that are way too small.

Thank you for helping me show the girls the unending world of possibility ready and waiting for them.

Saving...

Thank you for sharing this beautiful land and all the experiences here, good bad or ugly. There is no one I would rather hang out in paradise with than you.

Thank you for being willing to take risks.

I can't wait for our next adventure!

xoxoxo

The Christmas Card that never was. . . again

Christmas came and went and with the holiday came the Christmas cards with perfectly groomed families. Some only send pictures of the dressed and prepped kids but the year the "weight" finally comes off or is added in all the right places in the form of implants, the whole family makes the Christmas card photo. At least that is my plan for the year I finally get the weight distribution right!

Despite all my efforts to organize a Christmas card photo this year, it did not happen. We battled attachment disorder, gale force winds, pouring down rain, the social life of a teenager and Brandon's call schedule. I had high hopes and great ideas but once again, it just didn't happen. Just another reminder of how I am not that kind of girl.

Someday I will decide that's ok and stop trying.